You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
