Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
