Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My breasts were aching with rage.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
