I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
