There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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