I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
