this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Why is your signature on my underwear?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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