Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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