oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
