i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
only if we run a train.
done.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
