Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
