so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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