mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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