Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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