Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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