i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
