You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
