the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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