More tranny stories later!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
