i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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