when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
