Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
