He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
