If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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