I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
