I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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