The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
