she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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