pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
