My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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