This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
