I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
