Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
