She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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