I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
