I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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