fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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