I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
