I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
