i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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