My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
