and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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