two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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