3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
