people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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