so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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