ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
