I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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