she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
