she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
