Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize