i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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