jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize