well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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