The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize