Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my being single is dangerous.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
