This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize