I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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