Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
