she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize