were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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