this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So many bounce houses so little time
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
