About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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