you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
