he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
They took my balls.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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