Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
