I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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