Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
