Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
