My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
