Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
