We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so let's talk penis.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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