that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
