just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
