There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
