The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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