i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
