I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
