never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
