Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
how does that bad decision feel?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
