Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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