so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
