I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
