you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
