i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
