apparently the secret to your success is patron
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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