its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
