about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
