You're completely useless in the revolution.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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