if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
