I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
