What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
