I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
