I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Your penis caused this!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize