Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
