I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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