the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
