Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she peed on how many people?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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