plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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