also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
