I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
