My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
