im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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