I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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